Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
