She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
