Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need water and some morals
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
