I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
