So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize