Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
