Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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