I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
