1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
