This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
