well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We need to rekindle our bromance
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need moral support for this bender
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
