Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
