R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
