Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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