I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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