whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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