OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
