new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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