so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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