She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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