fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
