I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
