my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize