i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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