Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize