You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
