My nipple is on Facebook.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize