you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
