you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
