Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
