I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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