this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize