At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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