what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
