all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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