So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
