i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
