Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
is it fun? or sober?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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