I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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