i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i think my cat just said my name.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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