I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
