i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
