her vagine was all disorganized.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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