First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
