how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
