if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize