Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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