If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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