my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
