Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
