she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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