jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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