she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize