its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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