It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
