ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
