When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
