remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
