the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
