Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
