remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize