Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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