you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You are a genius and a whore.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
