he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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