I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
