I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
