I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
