I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
