i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
