I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
