OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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