When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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