I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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