I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
